I had just come from a two year rise in publicity and sales of my Recovery cd --with a side of divorce and domestic violence woven throughout that whole experience. I was very very fragile and started quitting things left and right. I felt desperate to get "clean" or rid myself of some poison that had somehow invaded my body, spirit and mind. The feeling was unspeakable so I won't try and put it into words. I was losing my own humanity and started clinging to "life" wherever I could find it. This will sound crazy, but I also slept at night with Bible's surrounding me. I wrote verse cards out and slept on top of them. I imagined I would marinate in the word of God while I slept---to counteract whatever was coming at me during the daytime. I believed (and still do with it now behind me) I was in some form of spiritual warfare that was only visible to me and a couple of my best friends.
I spent my days and nights trying to understand what was wrong. I figured my involvement with the music industry at that time had been the culprit and it "got me"---like once you get to a certain level you do, in fact, sell your soul to the devil--and maybe I had arrived at that storefront--and my bill was due. I had to choose now?? It all felt so cliche but YouTube assured me. I googled "pop artsits" "girls" "selling your soul" "illuminati", etc. I called my bff in Cali and told her what I thought was going on---I sent her all my links and she agreed with me that there was just something about the music industry that can really enslave a girl. So I decided to quit that too. Not like a martyr quits though--I wasn't doing it to get anyone to come after me. I quit because it was some crazy mother you know what and that's that.
The small bits that were salvageable in that whole music mess was getting to do a couple music tracks with Jessie Funk and Craig Poole. ( I'll re-link to Sick Like That but Still Bleeding will be available in the next couple days too.) Jessie was the only human I knew who was strong enough to sing the music I wanted to write so we partnered up for a lovely time!
(this link should be live so keep checking back)
Sick Like That (reprise) (may have to copy and paste--i'm ancient)
https://jessieandrachelle.bandcamp.com/track/sick-like-that
Here is a preview of the lyrics on Still Bleeding. This song speaks to everyone who has been marginalized, ignored, bullied or left behind. It's about having the right to define your own experience without someone else's agenda involved. It's about not settling and protecting what's yours:)) God Bless!
V1
Falsely accused, hurt and mistreated
For who I was, I have been hated
And that cut went so deep
Its hard to believe
That I'm still standing on my own two feet
To prove myself, I kept my mouth going
Honestly hoping, the pain would stop growing
Cause I didn't know
All I was trying to do
Was get some justice from you
Now I'm done, craving and waiting
Chorus
I don't need that anymore
I know I am right
Judged by a jury
And always on trial
Kept me looking around
To find some kind of reason
Or make it okay that I was in this prison
But I'm bringin it down
Whats mine is mine it was never yours
And I compromised, I played like a martyr
But that is no longer in season
When your still bleeding
V2
Like a good girl, I cleaned up your mess
I carried your debt, I struggled for breath
While you watched in silence
hoping I'd fall
To keep me from talking about what I saw
And it kept me confused but I'm not anymore
You made up the truth, behind steeple doors
And now your story is crumbling down
And I'm done craving and waiting
Chorus
Bridge
I figured it out
this puzzle that had me
lost in my mind
no more excuses
don't waste my time
Cause I'm movin on with my life
Oh yeah
Chorus!!@
Lyrics by Rachelle Call---additional by Jeannine Lasky
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