Thursday, October 26, 2017

Act Risk No More, Jenna Pinegar, Angela Kelly and Kim Murphey!! Still Event tomorrow in Provo at the Covey ARTS Center, 7:00 pm.


I'm so excited for tomorrow night!  The crowd of domestic violence/sexual assault survivors is growing as we can clearly see from events over the past week with Harvey Weinstein/Hollywood.  I've never really made distinctions between domestic violence and sexual assault/abuse because both are interpersonal and involve a violation of your intimate surroundings/relationships.  Both are violence against your soul and can take years (sometimes a lifetime and sometimes never) to recover from.  Both are a manipulation of power and strip lifeforce from its victims.
So you can see the issues we face are very serious and the numbers are so so high, even here in Utah and even in Utah County. (we are higher than the national average)

I've been fortunate to be in the company of the most talented and capable humans/advocates offered by the state of Utah where these issues are concerned.  If not for the following people and performers/speakers for tomorrow evening, I would not have made it through the past four years.  I left Utah almost five years ago with my kids and planned to never never come back.  God's provision of good people to help me and my family heal since returning to Utah has been a revelation to me about the undeniable capacity of Utah's residents to pick each other up from the rubble and create a thriving recovery community.  The talent here is unbelievable and there is a constant supply of goodness that flows through our state---four of which are highlighted below!!

PLEASE JOIN US!! Let's turn the statistics around and be proud of our community!

Heidi Mendez Harrison is the creative director and founder for Act Risk No More.  The group of actors perform the poetry and writings from Heidi's book, Behind These Walls.  Behind These Walls is the truth about abuse that occurs and has been occurring for decades.  Heidi fearlessly challenges the stereotyping of those trapped in abuse, addiction and mental illness by giving them a voice.  The result is breathtaking for audiences who are able to experience the emotion that so often gets buried in our homes and relationships. Heidi is an adjunct professor at UVU and is a theater pro who performs in theater productions all over the state--her acting is incredible.  I love Heidi and she is a hero in our community!








Kim Murphy is my advocate and friend.  She was part of a life saving duo of women who kept me moving forward during my stay at the Center for Women and Children in Crisis in Provo (she was my social worker and housing coordinator).  Kim's intellect and wit was like medicine in my mind, which felt like it had been ravaged and stripped down to nothing when we met.  Kim's background and her willingness to be open with her own past and experiences filled me and revived me.  She will speak on empathy and is honestly the embodiment of that, so don't miss it!












Jenna-bear.  I love this girl.  We also met at the Womens Center--she was a staff member who cut my hair once....and sang.  Her voice got me back up on my feet, musically speaking.  Jenna was gracious enough to sing with me every Sunday during my stay at the shelter.  The more sang/played music, the better I started to feel and no joke--was out of the shelter environment within 6 weeks from connecting with her.
Jenna will sing, Sick Like That--a song I wrote about domestic violence during my therapy in Los Angeles.  Jenna will also share some of her successes over the past year, to name a few--STARTING A YOGA STUDIO and STARTING A BARBER SHOP in PARK CITY!!  Watch KSL's clip on her below!!



JENNA ON KSL!!

Angela Kelly is going to be leading our community talk back after the performance on Friday and I can't think of anyone better to do it!  Angela and I met over a year and 1/2 ago when I quit one of her events because I was going through a quitting streak and I quit everything I could get my hands on.  So I was really amazed when she reached out to me later on, wiling to talk and share some of her life with me.  Angela's community activism is an absolute inspiration to me---she Ambassador at Human Trafficking And Child Exploitation Prevention Act and Event Chairman for awareness and fundraising events at Time to Rescue.  Angela has invited me to be part of her recorded events highlighting sexual abuse/trafficking in Utah County this past year and continues to be active in recovery communities!! Thank you Angela!!



We love you Utah County:))  See you tomorrow night~~Rachelle


Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Still. Domestic Violence Awareness in Utah County with featured speaker, Heather Smith Woolsey

This month of October has been so rewarding for me personally.  I've been so grateful to the many musicians, performers, advocates and speakers who are donating their personal time and talents to bring Domestic Violence into the light of personal, relational and community awareness. 

One of our featured speakers is Heather Smith Woolsey.  She is a leading advocate in Utah for domestic violence victims and she is also a survivor.  Heather came onto my radar about a year ago while I still lived in Utah County.  We went to lunch recently and I told her I was "just a little bit triggered" when I watched her speak.  Heather is very open and expressive about what domestic violence does to individuals and families.  She gives details and she cries over the pain in public.  She expresses her anger and she is unapologetic for all of it.  I, on the other hand, am still timid about what I've gone through I think or maybe I'm still sorting through the past 8 crazy years of my life.  Either way, I'm still more silent than I want to be.  Heather has taught me the value of expressing my life for what it is without the fear of judgement or condemnation.  Heather also comes from my faith tradition and I see how our shared religious background manifests in how we responded to our circumstances, which is strangely comforting.  Heather is faith in action and her efforts to help victims of domestic violence will be felt for many generations in Utah County.  Do yourself a huge favor and come listen to a bit of her story this Friday at 7:00 in Provo (Covey Center for Perf Arts)!!

This is Heather:)


And here is a portion of her story highlighted on KSL!
I love her!!!!  Thank you so much!

WATCH:Heather Woolsey on KSL!


Sunday, October 22, 2017

Still. Domestic Violence Awareness in Utah County featuring Kara Lyn Roundy & Cathy Butler


**We all are affected by houses haunted with domestic violence, whether it be in our own home, a neighboring home, or in the home of someone we care about.  Please thoughtfully consider who you would like to bring with you who can benefit from greater awareness and enlightenment.

I want to highlight our performers for the Still event in Utah County throughout this week.  I'll start with the two women who inspired me to get back into the music scene, Kara Lyn Roundy and Cathy Butler.  I have had the privilege of spending time with them over the past couple months and it has been life changing to say the least.  They are both lending their talents to this cause because they love people and want to inspire goodness in our families and communities.  







Kara Lyn Roundy is a pianist, singer, comedian, celebrity impersonator, voice-over artist, piano performance teacher, producer, writer and speaker! She has been performing clean entertainment professionally since she was 10 for audiences of all ages and venues with international acclaim, ranging from corporate and nonprofit events, including Operation Underground Railroad and many others. She has performed heavily throughout NY and Southern CA, and in other western states. Highlights include: Chile, Russia, Madison Square Garden, The Roxy, China Club, Times Square, Off-Off Broadway, Carnegie Hall, Telemundo, TMZ, Hollywood, Capitol Theater, radio stations, the military, prisons and the vets! She was also accompanist for the Music Theater and Ballet Depts at The University of UT, Waterford School, and is in demand with numerous musicians for performances and in studio. She loves helping others heal through music and her fun motivational entertainment, specifically at darling senior centers throughout UT. She serves heavily throughout the church and is also currently launching her own talk show!









CATHY BUTLER

For the past 15 years Cathy has enjoyed playing for hundreds of weddings along the Wasatch Front, as 1st Violinist in her string quartet, Strings of Elegance.  As a professional Suzuki Violin Instructor, she is currently an Advanced Active Suzuki Violin Teacher with The Suzuki Association of Utah. She maintains a violin studio of approximately 30 students.  She has performed with the New American Philharmonic and toured China as a guest performer with the Weber State University Orchestra.  While on orchestral scholarship, she earned her associates degree from Brigham Young University-Idaho and graduated with her Bachelor’s degree from Utah State University.  She now spends time practicing with her two young boys who are being “nurtured by love” with the same Suzuki musical influence she was introduced to at the age of 5.


Sunday, October 15, 2017

STILL--Domestic Violence Awareness in Utah County Oct. 27 @ 7:00 : Covey Center, Provo

I'm so excited to get to perform with some amazing talent and speakers for our upcoming Domestic Violence Awareness in Utah County!  I will highlight our talent over the next couple weeks along with sharing survivor stories.  It is no small thing to survive and thrive through domestic violence--in fact, it can mostly feel impossible.  It is critical to lean on healthy support systems for recovery but domestic violence often breeds more domestic violence---so where do we start? We start by educating.   Please share this promo with your friends so we can keep the conversation moving forward!



The name of this event is STILL.  My friend Jenna Pinegar and I initiated an annual DV Awareness event two years ago.  I met Jenna when I was a resident at the Center for Women and Children in Crisis in Provo.  Jenna was a staff member and we connected through our shared love of music.
Here's us: :)






















The word STILL will be an acronym for strategies to survive DV:  S--safety  T--trust  I--insprie  L--listen L--live.  The chandelier represents value and light.  It's also one of the best songs ever written by Sia about shame, which for me has been the ultimate barrier to my own success. 

Here's Charlie Pluth with a cover:


More details to come---please come join us!!












Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Update: Hailie's Law~"The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it" Henry Thoreau

Hailie’s Law





I want to follow up on my last blog for Jami Godfrey and her family before we get too far into June.  The family was back in court on May 24 and will have another to wrap up towards the end of this month.  To refresh some facts in the case: An accident occurred last August in Eagle Mountain which took the lives of two people.  The driver of the vehicle that struck those kids came away without major injuries and was charged with just a traffic violation of failure to stay in lane because drunk or distracted driving could not be proven.  Drowsy driving is likely the genesis of this accident, but Utah does not have drowsy driving laws. So by default, this accident (where lives have been lost) was heard in traffic court.  As an advocate, I was with the Godfrey family on both occasions in court –jaw dropped.  It’s quite the thing to be sitting with multiple grieving parties mourning the loss of their children and then hear, “next up—so and so is being heard for failure to stop at a stop sign”—or some other minor traffic offense.  It’s even MORE disturbing when the consequence imposed for a driver who failed to stay in his lane (which resulted in the loss of two lives) is one of the LEAST restrictive sentencing in court that day.  We want Hailie’s law to address this disproportionality in our legal system.  We want to draft a bill that requires any drowsy driving traffic offense that results in the loss of life to be an automatic change of jurisdictions OUT of traffic court. We want drowsy driving laws in Utah.

Some Positives
So much has happened since the last blog post as far as response goes.  I’m not normally someone who writes for likes so my social media presence is just whatever—I’ve been comfortable with a couple hundred reads per entry to keep it all chill (and because I just don’t have the time to invest in a great SM effort!).  Here is a quick breakdown!

1.       The blog I did on Hailie’s Law is nearing 3K reads and it keeps climbing.  I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t have my back end numbers because there are few responses—just reads and shares.  I had lunch with Jami and another advocate, Kim Murphy last week to discuss strategy moving forward.  I mentioned the high numbers and Jami said Hailie was just very likeable!  I believe it too (like her mom!).  Jami said a person came up to her at the funeral last year introducing herself as one of Hailie’s customers from Starbucks.  Hailie worked there and was so friendly, her customers would come in just to see her.  That’s a proud mom moment and Jami beamed with that memory.  It is evidence that her daughters passion for life went beyond home, family, school and friendships.  Her impact was starting to be felt by others and we hope to continue that legacy in the form of changing laws that will protect our communities in the future.

2.       There were some incredible last minute changes prior to court that ensured proper representation for the Godfrey family.  They were able to secure a new attorney from Salt Lake who had a fresh perspective on this case and he petitioned the court for more effective interventions--and got them.

3.       The Godfrey family’s situation was featured in a Daily Herald article by Kurt Hanson highlighting a continued need for oversight in the Utah County legal infrastructure.  The Godfrey’s have suffered what is called secondary victimization through legal abuse.  Secondary victimization (legal style--it has many forms) occurs when an initial victimizing event (death of a child) is compounded by a follow up victimizing event that often takes form of not being believed or being persecuted for wanting justice to occur. The intention of those who participate in secondary abuse is to silence others for speaking out so that a power structure (often benefiting the ruling class/status quo) remains intact and unchallenged.  While the family appreciates the attention from The Daily Herald, it exposed some shaming and anger directed at the Godfreys—as though they were the perpetrators of “all this”.  For example, there were statements claiming the Godfrey’s’ are out to “drive another life into the ground” as some sort of vengeance move.  Jami has also been “admonished” that her actions would cause her daughter in heaven to be grieved and possibly jeopardize eternal reunification.  And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Because of this, the Godfrey’s have needed some extra time to process and make decisions. Secondary abuse leaves a mark that intensifies the original grief of losing a child and leaving the family to just figure it all out, even if they are still spiraling.  This issue will be addressed through Hailie’s law as well.
4.       The new, lifted truck was removed from the Facebook page. We will want to address lift kits through Hailie’s law.  
5.       Another hearing was set for late June so the presiding judge could have time to consider the Godfreys requests for additional sanctions in this case.  This is movement where it had not been before and that is progress, which is a good thing.
6.       Other victims of our legal system and how it deals with traffic/road fatalities have contacted the Godfreys.  Various news outlets have also contacted the Godfreys with requests to be of assistance. The Godfreys have decided to take their time and move forward cautiously, which honors their family’s needs at this time.  Our goal is steady progress with accuracy and thorough investigations.
7.       We are currently working on a post secondary scholarship for those students interested in pursuing a career in dental hygiene, in honor of Hailie.  Hailie’s potential in this area was demonstrated by her success at MATC while completing her high school education (concurrently!) AND her acceptance into SUU’s dental hygiene program.
PROVE IT
I recently saw this quote from Henry David Thoreau which says "The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it."  Some things are more valuable than other things and for me, human life is at the top of the list.  I believe that a community that keeps human life as a top priority will have laws and infrastructure that PROVE it.  This concept holds true for any relationship structure including friendships, families, selfhood (relationship to self), marriage, employment, etc.  If we say we value life, but laws in place prove the opposite to be true (ignorance, negligence)---then what?  We can pretend all we want but unless the change occurs deep within our community framework it doesn’t really count.  The law sets the tone.  Where laws are unchallenged, the music stays the same---same old same old. When we challenge the laws, we challenge the very boundaries we have set for ourselves and what we have normalized. We grow up. We create new structures of legislation that allow others to seek and attain justice. We change our language and expectations for ourselves and each other.

Sidenote
**Kim Murphy, an advocate from Provo, noted the problematic nature of a culture/society/community that glorifies “white knuckling” (repressing, trying too hard to pretend we are okay, denying emotions--specifically pain/anger) but then shame dumping those who are actually working through it with language like just get over it, you need to stop, be forviving, etc. These community dynamics can change through education and more open dialogue about what is really happening in our lives without shame based attacks.**
LEGAL ABUSE
The Godfrey’s case should have never unfolded the way it did.  Last minute attorney changes and some public awareness shifted the trajectory, no doubt.  But that should not have been a burden for the Godfrey family to worry about and they assumed the legal system was working on their behalf.  Kim Murphy sheds much light on this subject (again, because she is awesome). She is an expert in issues surrounding legal abuse and assisted me at critical times throughout my post divorce recovery.  Kim has experienced  the criminal justice system as an advocate.  She has been present in criminal courts where the victim had an opportunity to read a “victim's impact statement” as the perpetrator was being sentenced.  Kim explains that these statements serve a purpose and can have influence on the outcome of sentencing because criminal court is ruled by different standards as opposed to the “pre-set” traffic laws that define limits for a judge to create sentencing. This knowledge is often helpful for victims as they move through levels of the case closure process because there is hope that maybe something said has made an impact in favor of the victim.

 In contrast, the Godfrey’s opportunity to read an impact statement had no bearing on the parameters of sentencing because  they are “pre-set”, which means penalties are basically non-negotiable and words spoken in the courtroom have little impact on the outcome of sentencing.  While Jami and the other parents were able to be heard, there was no inherent power in the transaction unless it was deemed sufficient by parents of the victims (and everyone is different, so that could be the case!). It did not sway judgement because the judge could only work within the framework of what the DA presented.

In Conclusion 
Below you will find the current list of Utah’s Victims rights.  We want more specificity. We would like these rights to be more specific in relation to disproportionality, legal abuse, access to services in a timely manner, mandatory advocacy for traffic accidents where death has occurred and community bullying addressed through the law to protect victims from harassment.  

  • The right to privacy
  • The right to be heard at sentencing
  • The right to be informed and assisted
  • The right to a speedy resolution of their case
  • The right to be free from threats and intimidation
  • The right to restitution and reparations for their losses
  • The right to notice of all important criminal justice proceedings
  • The right to be present in the courtroom for all important hearings
  • The right to be treated with dignity, respect, courtesy, and sensitivity
  • The right to an explanation of the legal proceedings and plea negotiations

Thank you !
 On behalf of the Godfrey family, thank you for caring.  We will continue to push forward to make Hailie’s Law a reality and we appreciate all the help that has been offered.  If you feel passionate about any of the items we have identified and you are interested in advocacy, contact me at rachelleelizabeth2@gmail.com (we will put you to work!!). The Godfrey’s will assess their options and I will keep you posted through this blog.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Hailie's Law-- Hailie Lee-Ann Godfrey

I am wrapping up a three year stay in Utah County this summer.  I've accepted a job that takes me up to the Salt Lake area and I'm feeling really great about it!! When I moved back to Utah over three years ago--I ended up staying with my sister for 6 weeks in SLC.  My kids were in Utah county with their dad and his new wife so I needed to get closer--which I did.:)) Now I'm making some choices for me and moving in a direction that I choose--which is a great  milestone and I've worked hard for it!!:)


A very important story is moving to another chapter this week and I want you to know about it.  My friend, Jami Godfrey, lost her daughter in a terrible accident last August.  Her name is Hailie. Hailie was very well known and on the drill team for Westlake High School in Saratoga Springs.  Her coach was quoted in the news when she described her: “She had a big heart and was the type of good that you wanted to be.  She was always quick witted and had something to say to you.”  Hailie’s boyfriend was also taken in the accident--his name is Simon. Both of these students were wonderful and loved by their family, peers and teachers.





The driver of the vehicle that struck these kids only sustained minor injuries. The truck he was driving was "lifted" and that ended up being a factor in the accident but because Utah does not have lift laws, it didn’t matter. There was a reenactment of that accident but little was found to determine cause either way--so the charges are bottom lined to a traffic ticket--failure to stay in lane is most likely.


The lifted truck was totalled but the driver of that truck, now married, has purchased a new lifted truck---which he displays on his personal Facebook page.  The driver of the truck continues to live in the same town as my friend Jami and her family---so they see him around.  Jami struggles through those encounters because he is still driving and will continue to do so since charges being filed do not include a removal of license or driving privileges.  Just a fine.


I've spoken with Chase, the district attorney, just to wrap my head around the why's of this situation. Chase acknowledged the tragedy of a minimal fine but states that there are no other laws on the book to fit.  Our state does not have drowsy driving/distracted driving laws that enforce consequences on the level of the drunk driving movement, so again--the DA applies the law that is available for this situation and its just a ticket for changing lanes.


There is an arraignment this week on May 11 and the Godfrey familiy can not accept the minimal charges.  We have been told by advocates and attorneys that it may be hard to get certain convictions through the courts in Utah County.  The right to a fair hearing and trial process can not be disproportionately biased in one direction.


We want the right story to be told in this situation.  We are not out to attack or target an individual.  We want to improve the conditions for the families who have been impacted by this tragedy by creating safer communities.  


Please consider the following action items as this case moves forward:
  1. We want a member of the community or defendants family to encourage the removal of his Facebook banner.  It is a picture of a lifted truck similar to the one that took two lives in August, 2016.  This is common decency (conformity to standards of taste, propriety or quality).   THANK YOU FOR THE REMOVAL!
  2. We want Hailie Godfrey to be honored by a proper valuation of her life. We can not agree that a minor traffic ticket is accurate.  We want to pursue justice with whatever legal process is made availiable.  
  3. We want the laws to be changed as necessary.
Gov. Gary Herbert has signed a bill into law that lowers the maximum blood alcohol limit for drivers to .05 percent from the current legal threshold of .08 percent — giving Utah the strictest drunken driving law in the nation (npr.org, 2017)
We feel that time and money spent in legislation to keep our roads safe MUST be in proportion to accidents as they occur.  For example, a recent change in drowsy driving laws (SB149) is only designed to “raise awareness” about drowsy driving and does not change penalties or criminal codes.  SB149 designates August as Drowsy Driving Awareness Week, but the acknowledgement of the problem should include a change in penalty.  A drunk driver and a drowsy driver behind the wheel can have a similar impact on victims so we would propose an addendum to SB149 that creates a stronger penalty.


      4. We want communities of empathy, kindness and understanding.  Families who have   experienced tragedy and loss should never be held to a “just get over it” or "be forgiving" standard for the sake of those uncomfortable with anger and grief.  Families who experience tragedy need support, time, space and connectivity.  We want community training programs to offer resources and venues for expressing grief.  The pressure to “be okay” can indirectly encourage conformity and censorship through silence.

5.  It is our hope to bring these action items together to form Hailies Law.  We will work towards this goal in an effort to honor Hailie’s life.  “She had a big heart and was the type of good you wanted to be.”

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Advocacy everywhere!! I love it! Event this Monday, May 1--read for details:)

​I met Angela a year ago.  We've remained friends because we are both advocates at heart and lose sleep at night over injustice/deception tactics that often infuses the agenda of "majority" politics.  This power dynamic silences those who can't speak as loud or as often.  So we work advocacy as a lifestyle and OFTEN as an underground operation that eventually breaks to the surface like this event she is doing on Monday.  Angela has done incredible leg work--and I've learned a lot from watching her navigate the art of public eventing to promote social change. 


When I heard this little girl, Liliana, speak at Angela's event a couple weeks ago--I was in tears/torn/conflicted.  In a world full of adults, our children are speaking up for themselves.  Nature abhors a vacuum--and silence creates a vacuum that screams for sound to fill the void. 


The silence as it relates to child sex abuse, incest, trafficking and everything else that comes along with it---is being broken by our own children.  That's been my conflicted part because they shouldn't have to be the ones to settle this score--its not on them, its on us--the adults, parents, grandparents or anyone in authority.  But that's in a perfect world--so we are left with the world we actually live in. Liliana and her mom are some of the bravest people to move on behalf of strengthening our community by changing laws.  This will be the discussion on Monday--if you have not received a personal invite, please notify me if you want to be in the audience. 

Email invite from Angela:

**Just letting you know I have confirmation from ABC News Good For Utah, Former Miss Utah, Rachelle, Rutherford, Provo City Mayor and many legislators! 

We are inviting  select community members to attend a speaking event this Monday. A ten year old girl, who was my neighbor , will speak about the horrific abuse she endured from her then 24 year old cousin. 

We are working to pass a new law for sex offenders, as he served less than one year in jail. 
This little girl is beyond brave, and wants desperately to help other kids be able to come forward and for victims like her to feel safe , even if the offender serves a ridiculous sentence as hers did. The law is based off a similar law that passed back east. 
She recently spoke at an event I had for Operation Underground Railroad and it was incredible the response. 
She later spoke at a Press Conference at Younique Foundation with Tim Ballard last week. 


As I got to thinking about this law that I'd like to pass, that will help survivors when the system fails. ( which is all to often ) I asked Liliana, her mother and therapist if Liliana would represent this, she is all for it. 

Give me a call at 801.644.4000or reply to this email to confirm if you are able to attend. There is space for 40  community members only . You will need RSVP & show ID at the Production Studio upon entry. We have invited the press as well. 
We are live streaming it from my non-profit page Facebook Page " Time To Rescue " but would love to stream it live from other pages as well. 
We will take questions I select online only ( through the live stream ) 

Look forward to hearing back. 
I know it is short notice, But I am going off this little girl. Attached is the video from the conference on Friday last week and the flyer for the event this Monday .​

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Whitney, Broadway, Epilepsy and moving on...

I've recently read about the need for more honesty and transparency in parent/child/family relationships.  My initial reaction was no way--but then how ironic when I can hardly stop sounding the domestic violence alarm all.the.time.  I think over the years I've developed a nebulous balance that addresses the reality I (and my children) have experienced in domestic violence without really going into many horrifying details--like I'm saying it without really saying it, yes?

So truth be told, every time my daughter Whitney writes a song---I brace myself.   Because she has a lot to say and is probably just getting started:///  Whitney is in the Musical Theater program at Utah Valley University on scholarship (and since grades have stayed up she's keeping it--super proud!!).  She has recently been asked to go to St George for the summer Tuacahn productions as a PAID gig---BUT--she had already accepted a non paying gig that we fought about because I told her not to do anything for free during her summers off since she needed to work---she's a college student and college students work. I also told her not to waste her time writing songs when she can sing the way she does because its a blessing to have that voice AND I told her to try out for Disney princess auditions that came to SLC in March.  She did zero of the things I just mentioned so this should give you a peek into our relationship. :)  and I officially take back the disney princess  audition thing--it was a desperate move to control her future.

As a songwriter myself, I know when I'm "writing" a song because it takes a while as opposed to the songs that are flashes of something already there.  It can be thrilling.  So when Whitney wrote this in January, she was at my house off and on.  I listened and I didn't like it.  Not because it wasn't good but because I did not want her singing about mental illness, suicide, death and addiction.  It's okay if I write about that stuff but not her--no way.  A friend of hers had recently committed suicide and she wrote it about him--Broadway style.  Dramatic and complicated.  But I encouraged her to not dwell there and actually not finish the song.  I wanted to kidnap her and never let her finish it--such a weird reaction I know.  But I just don't like death and I'm probably even legit neurotic at this point.
Sidenote:  My kids know a couple things about me and one is that"death speak" is strictly forbidden.  I believe that words have measurable powers of life or death in them and I want to err on the side of life affirmations when possible.  My second daughter just got her drivers license and filled out the application as an organ donor.  She is 16--barely!  We had a complete argument with the clerk looking on because M insisted on informing me about her rights to contribute to the human race now that she is so old.  I was like--no.  No way. Un-check that box or I will not sign.  I think it was a 5 minute stare down until M finally buckled under the pressure.  Mainly, I am her guardian and I don't  know what organ donation is about so we don't just go checking a BOX for that stuff! I'll do my duty and research but until then its a no.  I'm sorry if that offends but I can veto as the mom. 

Whitney, of course, finished the song.  The school I began teaching at in January 2017 had a suicide within the first week of my employment (it was a former student--the one Whit wrote her song about-- but the school had seen 4-5 deaths within 9 months!!).  Whitney knew a lot of the kids there and she wanted to help because depression was thick! We brought our mental health agency and the HOPE SQUAD as an "act immediately" intervention to avoid further contagen.  It was bad. So I'm dealing with all of that and Whitney wants to come help out.  She's a freshman in college but wanted to talk with the kids and make sure everyone was okay.  I wanted her to stay away and let me handle it (see the back and forth patterns in my parenting??).  I wanted her to break free and live out her life without all of "that stuff".  But Whitney was so persistent.  She said, "mom--these kids just need to know that it's going to get better.  If they knew that they could hold on for a little bit longer."  Whitney then told me about a technique she had learned all of those years having seizures.  No one would know it but Whitney has epilepsy.  Her seizures are manageable now with medication but there were times when they were not.  After a while, as Whitney would go into a seizure, she would start to sing or distract herself.  I insisted on panicking like I always do but Whitney would tell me to let her be and she would be okay.  I didn't notice it was actually working to hold off her seizures but it was.  Whitney told me that during those times, she would repeat to herself---"it will be over soon because they always end!" That's the one thing Whitney learned---seizures come and seizures go.  There is a beginning and an end and it does get better--so don't take your life.  Hold on.

The song is called For You.  It's about a child parent relationship where the child wants to get better to ease his mom's worry--but he can't--but he tries.  I love the words and if it can help someone going through such an ordeal--then God Bless you with extra hope and strength.

https://www.facebook.com/100009323840726/videos/1804506869870090/



For You

I am running down an empty hall
Running out of breath, 
It feels like there may be a fire in my chest
So could you take a moment to hear me out, 
I feel like I may be going down

Did I hit the ground
I see sirens but they don't make a sound
And are they here for me
If they are then I cannot see
How this is my fault
You said I'd bounce back again
But that was a lie cause I was never strapped in
Oh I let myself fall

But maybe that's a good thing
Now I can't say
All of the things that would hurt you
But if ever I'm gone
I need you to move on
but until then I'll never desert you
Oh I'll keep trying
For you

Oh I need rest I need sleep
I think my body's starting to hate me
Cause I can't close my eyes
But if you can sing me a lullaby 
It may not work but we can always try
Oh I just need some sleep

Cause this is utter madness 
I cannot find a bed
To lay down the demons inside of my head
Oh I just need some sleep

So give me medication 
Give me anything
That will put my mind at rest
But if the pharmacy's closed
It's walls decomposed
Then I will try my best
For you

I'll never stop running
Never lay down my head
I'll never let the sirens declare me dead
If that's what you need me to do
Then I will stay For You



https://www.facebook.com/100009323840726/videos/1804506869870090/