I remember another invite by Drew to sing Christian/Recovery with him at a small park in Bountiful, Utah. I was with my label at the time and told them about this event so they could sell cd's afterwards. There were not a lot of people in attendance because it was Bountiful Utah and back then, Mormon's were not generally seen at Christian music gatherings (this has totally changed just 4 years later--epic transformation!). I was a little nervous being seen there too. What would people say? She's left the church. She's lost her testimony. This is what happens when women leave their husbands. Next thing you know, she'll become immodest and Lord knows where that leads, etc., etc.
Weeee--it was fun!Anyway, the label sent a couple guys with all my cd gear and set up shop. I sang a song from my cd on stage, felt nervous and awkward then walked over to my table to see if we sold anything. They said no~ followed by "Rachelle, the small stuff isn't profitable. We don't book you unless there is a large crowd." (My bigger crowds were pulling in 22%-ish of cd sales , which apparently was 15% higher than other artists who sell cd's at concerts--bragging rights for our Recovery team. We loved hearing that because it was evidence of success--doing something that was striking a chord.) I was sad I made them come out for 0 profit AND I wondered if they thought I was turning to the dark side. Stressful.
Then, right when I was getting ready to leave, one single girl approached our table. She said, " I loved that song. Is it on this cd?" I said, YES!---and in my head I added "but I'll give it to you for free!!" My label guy quickly took over and charged her 15$--which I thought was terrible. **And that is why I ended up under the poverty line within three years--- had Tyler not been standing there, I would have given her the cd along with 3 more to give to her friends. #reallybadbusinessinstincts Needless to say, this experience taught me that I really liked small crowds because I could disappear for a bit. No one in the park knew me that day---and I liked it. I felt the fewer people I was around (who knew me), the more I could "sense" myself.
So I've always been grateful for Drew because he was one of the guys who gave me access to smaller Christian venues. He'd invite me into worship practice sessions where I wandered around getting a feel for the layout and instruments. Drew showed me the Christian worship loops and was always teaching me something about the industry. I soaked it all in, knowing it was important to pay attention.
We recently met for dinner and caught up with each other's lives because SO many things have changed since those days. Drew has become an advocate for LGBTQ individuals along with his Wounded Warriors project. Drew's experience as a gay man in the Christian/LDS industries brought severe judgement and condemnation once he began to be more vocal about it. I listened to these stories in horror. Drew told me he had kind of put music on the shelf--except for this one thing he did last year during November, 2015. If you don't know about it, the LDS church came out with policy that put certain restrictions on the LGBTQ population and it triggered suicides from gay members. Many people, including myself, just watched and listened to the news---trying hard to comprehend what was happening. I kept a distance but wished I had been more vocal. When I heard Drew's song, it convicted me of being silent as well. Say Something. Me--of all people. I KNOW what it's like to need help but be surrounded by silence and I call that out on DV all the time. But I missed this one--and I feel badly because it's been going on in my own community. Hearing Drew sing this gave me much needed insight into the anatomy of "that pain". I've been shut out of a lot of things, but never reconciliation with God through baptism. I can not comprehend how that would feel. But this helps...and I'm grateful I can be a better friend to Drew, like he was to me many years back. God bless those who suffer. Please reach out to someone if your world is closing in--help is available!! Look at MANTHERAPY-- this is a great great great resource!
Man Therapy
http://utahsuicideprevention.org/
So listen to this great cover of Say Something, re-produced by Drew. I respect his bold approach and passion for this issue.
'Cause the passion and pain
Are gonna keep you alive somedayGonna keep you alive someday
One of my all time favorite Pink songs, The Great Escape,
